A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
They took my balls.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
