Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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