I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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