No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize