Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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