is wine microwaveable?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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