I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
