all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
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