I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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