I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
