I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
