Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
