we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
