Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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