She's JV to your varsity
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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