Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
