shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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