did you get engaged???
I cockslap morals
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
