So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize