Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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