i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
