You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
