oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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