imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
