Everything about him screamed your future.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
