you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
