I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
