Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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