There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
