i just google imaged poop.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
