u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
