Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
