I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
