For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
