Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize