I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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