So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
