It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Randomize
