Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize