That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
