My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I can't put those talents on a resume
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
