Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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