I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
