Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
