Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
