Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You've changed since you got that strap on
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
