More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I want to be your penis for a week.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
