just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
