I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
