RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
