I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
