I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
