When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
