this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
