I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
