I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
