I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
