I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
