Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
