tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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