i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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