I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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