Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
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