Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
