And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
You were trust falling into bushes
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
