He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just gift wrapped bread.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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