oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
We are all done wearing pants today
Randomize
